I don’t know about you but I feel like it was just Labor Day and it is already the holiday season! I am excited to enjoy this special time of year with my family and friends, but I am also thinking a lot about the pressure traditions can place on us. I have been reminiscing about all of the traditions our parents and grandparents preserved for my family ; my siblings, our spouses and I have carried on so many of them. The thing that is bothering me though is what actually drives us to carry on traditions to the point of craziness and exhaustion? As I unpack my decorations, I wonder “What is tradition and what is just a habit?”
For as long as I can remember, my parents had a very long strand of red Christmas bells that lit up and played Christmas Melodies. Every year, the 6 inch bells, which were enormous to a child, would hang entwined in garland and bows on our banister. Even as a college student, arriving home for Christmas break, the bells would flood happy memories into my mind. The holidays began for me once the Bells and garland were put into place, so if my parents hadn’t put them up yet I would do it myself. I can still hear the songs playing in my head, although I have no idea where the bells went...they are long gone. I have gone from store to store looking for similar ones, but I don’t NEED the bells. We live in rancher. No railings to trim. A lifetime of Christmases in my mind dictated by plastic bells that really wouldn’t have a place our present home. Again I wonder, what defines tradition? Do I NEED the bells or are the memories enough?
Your traditions probably bring you much joy, but they might also make you feel like you are tethered to a weight. At first thought this seems harsh, but let me explain. We started decorating our home last weekend. My husband and I took about 15 boxes of “Christmas” out of the attic. I guess it is all relative, but if I am honest with myself we have an excessive amount of holiday “stuff.” As I was sorting through the boxes this year, I realized I was feeling weighed down by all the decorating I felt I HAD to do. Afterall, it’s supposed to be fun and I promised myself it was going to be! For me this meant editing and purging the holiday decor. In my work I often need to help liberate my clients from “things” that have been part of their lives for years. I have done this many times in my own life but purging Christmas things was really hard for me. Christmas comes with a lot of memories. The rational side of our brains know memories will live on without physical things. But knowing this doesn't make it easier. Purging our own possessions is hard. I am struggling with this myself this year.
I have many happy holiday memories from my childhood. My parents were big on Christmas decorating; the Bells were just the beginning. We put up three large Christmas trees! The tree in our front window was white and was trimmed the most beautiful magenta, orange, and silver balls. My mom was a fashion designer and the tree screamed creativity across the living room and across our front lawn! The colors would change some years but I always referred to it as the “Pink Tree.” My sister Sharon now has a similar tree. It evokes great memories for all of us! We had a second, live tree in our family room. In the fall, we would go to a farm pick one and tag it. In December we would go cut our tree down and bring it home. This tree was designated the “kids tree”; it was always a huge and required some physics to get it standing and stable. My brother, Chet, would painstakingly put lights on the tree, which had to be perfect. The lights had to be perfect; he did a great job back then and continues to do so in his own home. The “kids tree” evolved over the years. Some ornaments remained a constant but depending on our ages and interests themes would come and they would go. Our third tree was in Dad’s office. That one was silver tinsel. My sister Carla and I would decorate that tree. To this day I am drawn to metallic decorations and tinsel trees but do not own a silver tree.
As I am writing this I am sitting in our living room by a roaring fire and a very beautiful Christmas tree. The best part is that there isn’t one ornament on our tree, just some ribbons, some metallic picks and three small reindeer. It looks pretty good. I might not use any ornaments this year or perhaps not as many as I usually do.
In our home, as well as in my sibling’s homes, we usually put up more than one Christmas Tree. The process of doing multiple trees has often put more pressure on us at an already hectic time of year. I think it's ok to have as many holiday decorations as you can happily put out. Once it becomes overwhelming or too time consuming I think it is time to cut back. So my promise to myself this year is to remain joyful in the process.
A big part of my job is to help people downsize and prepare their family homes to be sold. I understand this can be overwhelming because these homes are filled with a lifetime of memories. Along with a lifetime of memories, these homes are filled with a lifetime of piled up STUFF that needs to be purged. Believe it or not, even the most beautiful homes need to be rid of some items. It is an emotional and exhausting journey, but I am there every step of the way. When I stage a home, I help homeowners remove their own memories to make room for a potential buyer to imagine themselves living in the home. Your memories move on with you. The new owner will bring in their own.
Everyone has something in their life that could equate to my red bells...a trophy, a recliner, a lamp. It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that you find your “Red Bells” and figure out if they are tethering you to a house you want to sell. I have found in my life and certainly see it proven in my work that a beautifully decorated home does not need to be filled with stuff. Memories are in your heart not in your things.